I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
