i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
