dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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