I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
