I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
