is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
