Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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