how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
