it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
