I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
