omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
