the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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