The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
now i know why i became what i already was.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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