oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
