what day is it and did you see me today?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
