I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
