Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
