I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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