ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
