you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
