I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
