I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
