Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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