she woke up with a sticky ear
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.