If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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