Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!