I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway