So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
