i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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