Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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