Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
