And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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