How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
