Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
