ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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