If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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