That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
