you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
