we have officially lost it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
