"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
