Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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