There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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