Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
