I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
