The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
