Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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