Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
