i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
