I have demons in me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
