just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
