Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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