exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
