8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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