all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
