did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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