Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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