walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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