just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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