I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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