3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
