I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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