i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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