When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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