I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
