Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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